Depression Among The Elderly
Depression is depression whether it be suffered by the young or the old. The big difference is the way the sufferer is treated.
If an old person loses their spouse after fifty years of marriage, this will inevitably throw them into a grief so deep that depression may easily follow. In a case like this, they will need support, but you have to be very careful how this support is given.
Let's assume that auntie Margaret finally dies, leaving uncle George alone after 53 years of marriage. Was her illness protracted, or did she die in an accident or from some condition that took her life quickly? Has uncle George had a chance to come to terms with the inevitability of her death, or has he been suddenly hit amidships? The worst thing you can do is to assume you know what's best for him.
He may be someone used to mixing with his friends, perhaps volunteering at the local hospital. If this is the case, then he should be encouraged to continue doing so. Find someone you know he respects, to talk to him, so that they may to keep him on the rails of his normal lifestyle.
On the other hand, he may not be like that at all. He may prefer his own company, have his own hobbies and pastimes and not be someone accustomed to going out and being with people. If this is the case, the last thing you should do is to force him into social situations.
It should be remembered, too, that even 30 years ago, depression was a word bandied about if you felt a bit low. There were only two recognized mental conditions; the nervous breakdown and senility. Someone with full blown depression would be considered a 'miserable old codger!' Unless uncle George has a history of depression, for you to suggest that he has the illness would probably be met with an outright denial and various expletives.
There's no question that it's more difficult to monitor someone who is something of a loner, who does prefer to stay by himself and carry on with his own pastimes. Tactfully, you have to try to make sure that he is indeed keeping himself occupied and not simply sitting around sinking deeper and deeper into the morass of depression.
Let's assume, though, that he does reach the stage where even he realizes that something must be done. Compounding his condition with grief over the loss of his wife could well be the turning point. But it is very necessary to know whether he's suffered from any mental condition in the past. He may well have depression, but it could be the direct result of the loss of his wife. Don't assume anything.
Even so, he may agree to see a therapist. It depends very much who's supporting him. Hopefully a son and/or daughter with whom he has a good relationship. So let's assume he agrees to see, preferably a psychiatrist, but at least a therapist. If the latter, for goodness sake make sure that they're of much the same age as your relative. Does he prefer talking to women than men, or vice-versa? Be the therapist male or female, you don't want someone in their early twenties trying to advise a man in his seventies. Believe me, this does happen.
We can all be proud, goodness knows, but depression among the elderly can produce a pride that's very difficult to break down. They pull rank on you. "I'm your father/aunt/grandmother/uncle, so I know what's best." In other words, you're just a pup compared to my vast experience! "All right," you say. "You're sitting around like a lump of lead, moping. Prove you don't need help." If nothing else, this'll start their blood flowing. Provided their condition isn't too serious, it could even jerk them out of it.
They can be cunning old monkeys. They could be secretly enjoying the attention. In the early stages certainly, whatever the situation, all you can do is to be patient and be watchful.
Being old myself, I know about that which I speak!!
